Here’s what I want you to visualize. You’ve made this date with a person who has dated hundreds, possibly THOUSANDS of others. This individual hardly ever meets Mr. or Ms. Right and when they do, it mostly falls apart. Something doesn’t work out. The person is too uncompromising; they are a terrible listener; they’re too inside their own head; they think the word “commercial,” as in must-make-money, is an obscenity. You get the picture.
So, this date you are about to have is with a person who is probably VERY CYNICAL. And overworked and underpaid. And also has the thankless task of convincing their superiors that YOU are very special, maybe so special that THEY should take you on a date too.
Now, along come you with your wonderful story. It’s unique. Maybe it’s based on a fantastic historical event you’ve uncovered. Or better yet, it’s quasi autobiographical. You already imagine how you would pitch this. And maybe your pitch will be amazing. But, what happens when you hand them the script?
You have one short, concentrated opportunity to impress, entertain, and distinguish yourself from the myriad others. You have ten minutes (or ten pages) to make or break things.
The importance of your first ten is constantly mentioned by development execs and script gurus but what makes it good? So, let’s deconstruct – what are those essential ingredients?
1) World Building That Entices Creating an intriguing world that is somehow different and worthy of attention is one of the first steps in defining your story as unique. In those 1st pages the reader needs to get a sense of the world the protagonist inhabits. Is it a ship lost on an abandoned planet, or a rowdy high school cafeteria? A surreal medieval castle, or a forgotten gas station in the Midwest? In many successful scripts the writer also provides a sense of how that character views that world. Maybe, there’s VO as part of the set-up dialogue or a POV (point of view) explanation of things in the action lines that reflects what the protagonist perceives – a bullying father drinking a fifth of whiskey or a drug addict rolling up her sleeve to reveal a needle-scarred arm. Maybe it’s a nasty clique of high school students who look disdainfully at everyone else.
A clearly written slug that includes the LOCATION from general to specific, and the time of day (DAY OR NIGHT) is critical. But something like EXT. HOUSE – DAY is about as exciting and explanatory as mud. Imagine instead: EXT. OLD CAPE HOUSE ON A WEED FILLED LAWN – DAY followed by an action line that reads: A bent, care-worn woman in her 80s, SUSIE attempts to sweep the front porch, struggles to catch her breath and collapses into a rocker. OS the sound of a child screaming pierces the air. The woman stares off into the distance and pretends not to hear. Do we want to read on? Most likely.
Clear action lines include WHO is in the scene with a description of those characters. What is distinguishing about each of them in terms pf physical appearance? What age range are they in? What gender? If your reader (that ten minute date you’ve managed to wrangle) has to read and re-read to work out where they are and what is going on, that is the first big strike against you. NO ONE wants to work to get your story. So, every slug and every action line must be easy to follow and engaging. And every character must be introduced and capped initially so your reader is formally acquainted with him or her.
If the time is not set in the present, an INSERT with the timeframe can help set the stage. For example, PEARL HARBOR, DECEMBER 8TH 1941, listed right after the action lines.
Another way to set time is to call out PROPS such as an aqua-colored transistor radio or a ’57 Chevy. Or a gas pump that reads 29 cents a gallon. Or a cyborg who delivers magenta tea with tiny iridescent serpents swimming in the liquid.
Writing weak slugs and failing to introduce your world well telegraphs to your reader that you are not a very imaginative story teller. Or, you have not really thought about how your world functions. You have failed to make your movie or show settings something that they can imagine and visualize as a film.
But this does not mean you should DIRECT the camera or the actors. You are not submitting a shooting script. Unless it is imperative to “getting” a cinematographic detail, do not write instructions such as ‘the camera pans across the island’s horizon” or “Matilda nervously twirls her hair with her left hand while scratching her thigh with her left index finger.” Nor, as part of world-building, should you act as set designer or wardrobe supervisor. Details such as “Harold picks out a pair of Armani shoes, a monogrammed Brooks Brothers shirt and a Tom Ford silk suit from his closet” are far too specific and make your world descriptions seem like product placement ads. Scripts overloaded with brand name items and lots of specificity about songs detract from the narrative.
2) Unique Character Development and Voice. Whether your main character is a seventy-something anti-hero or a child in curls with a heart of gold, by the time your first ten have elapsed, your reader should have genuine interest in that individual. You pique a reader’s interest through a clear physical description of the character, details about the character’s quirks and tics, and through the dialogue you write that communicates why this person is worthy of our attention and empathy. Although dialogue should sound natural, the fact is that characters do not really speak the way we do in the world. There is economy to how they communicate. And what they say should be a powerful indicator of how they perceive themselves and the setting they are placed in. Is he or she a blowhard? Does the character struggle to speak, afraid of stuttering or expecting censure at every turn? Does he or she have a south Boston accent or speak like someone from the Midwest, using expressions unique to that part of the country?
By the end of your first ten, your reader should be WANTING to know more about this character. There are also some scripts where the character is introduced but not met in the first ten. This is an interesting approach where legend-building occurs and anticipation is stoked. One famous screwball comedy does this masterfully. In Comrade X, the n’ere-do- well, hard drinking reporter Mac Thompson is described by others, including an ex-lover, so vividly that we can hardly wait to get our eyes on him. When he storms in, fabulously handsome, bundled in a trench coat (played by Clark Gable in the actual film), his hard-hitting wit does not disappoint.
One thing to bear in mind when developing your characters – if it’s not in the action, in the physical world we see, or in the dialogue, it DOES NOT EXIST. In the pilot for Breaking Bad, the initial teaser tells us tons about our anti-hero protagonist Walter White. The man is, inexplicably, in his underwear, wearing a gas mask, crazily driving a Winnebago off-road. There are dead, shot-up Mexicans in his trailer home and another companion is unconscious and bloodied. Walter’s making a video recording for his wife Skyler, his son and his unborn child. He’s clearly a loving father and husband who’s expecting to die or be arrested or about to have his life dramatically altered. A CU (close-up) on his wallet reveals an ID indicating he’s a high school teacher. Sirens are getting closer to the scene. BAM – we’re out of this flash forward and back to a month earlier. Does your audience want to keep reading? You betcha.
3) An Obvious Theme Within your first ten we should be able to grasp what the theme of the film or series is. It doesn’t matter if its setting is as serious and off-putting as the mobile home in an empty field in Minari or as light-hearted as the Department of Parks and Recreation in the eponymously named TV series – it should be evident what the protagonist dreams or needs to accomplish inside his/her world. And from both those wants and needs, the theme emerges. Is it a story about Redemption and Proving One’s Worth – Surviving with Dignity as we see in Minari – where the Korean immigrant, Jacob Yi is determined to become a successful farmer and not merely a sex-sorter of chicks? Or is it focused on Revenge, as is evidenced in the series Dexter where a forensics expert craftily kills off anyone who he deems guilty of extreme crimes.
Sometimes, multiple themes surface, especially in a series. As an example, in one episode of Rectify, the focus might be on Redemption or Exoneration for a crime the protagonist did not commit, while another episode might examine the idea of Reconnection and Healing Through Emotion or Physical Intimacy. Theme, at its center, is about human connection and any great film or show makes us feel that connection – we join the journey and support the theme. Without a theme, the story has no emotional core.
4) A Fabulous Inciting Incident The inciting incident is the equivalent of shifting a sports car from 1st into 6th gear. Something needs to happen to the status quo of your protagonist’s world to shake him/her into action. It’s time for plot acceleration or a 180! Even in sitcoms, each episode is kicked off by some event that causes extreme discomfort to one of the main characters. In films, this is often a big challenge. In The King’s Speech, King George VI, a life-long stutterer and reluctant heir to the throne of England, must deliver a flawless speech over the radio, inspiring the British people to fight on, as Germany relentlessly attacks. Can he rise to the occasion?
The inciting incident might not happen in exactly the first ten (there are plenty of films and shows where it doesn’t) but if it does not, the story should be building toward it. An example of a slow burn toward the inciting incident can be seen the film Taxi Driver where the alienated Vietnam war veteran, Travis Bickle shows us his dark view of early 80s mid-town Manhattan as he engages in and is simultaneously repulsed by the corrupt world of pimps, prostitutes, porn and drug addiction around him. But, it is only after he meets the beautiful and sophisticated campaign worker Betsy, that he goes into complete overdrive as a crazed vigilante.
In the series Ozark it is the murder of his partner and the realization that his wife has been unfaithful that causes the relatively passive but brilliant financial wizard Marty Byrde to flee Chicago and set up a sophisticated money -laundering operation in the Ozarks.
The suspense that builds to the inciting incident can be as important as the inciting incident itself. It creates tension as your reader (or audience) grow increasingly restless for the protagonist to DO SOMETHING.
In terms of our date analogy, the inciting incident (and the events leading up to it) promise your date (the pro. reader) that the experience will not be dull. Now, they want to stick around to see where things go.
5) Formatting and Correct Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation Such boring details, right? But, the fact is that following normal script conventions and taking the trouble to distinguish between “your” and “you’re” or “they’re” and “their” mark you as a professional. Also, this establishes you as someone who sweats details and takes pride in his/her work.
Correct punctuation impacts readability and understanding and should be part of a proofing before you send your script anywhere. Long, run-on sentences, modifiers in the wrong place, even missing commas can make it hard to follow action. And the consistent and clear use of slugs is critical in every step of scriptwriting, from your earliest draft to its conversion to a shooting script.
Slugs (as noted above) should distinguish exactly what the locale is. If you have three different apartment exteriors in your story be sure to identify each one uniquely. If there are two living rooms, your reader needs to see something that looks like this – INT. SUE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT versus INT. BEN’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT. There are many books on formatting and you’ll see a lot of variation in the produced scripts you encounter. Some writers, like Vince Gilligan, write long, detailed descriptions of scenes. As an example, he describes Walter White’s mobile meth lab in the pilot for Breaking Bad, this way – “It’s an old 70’s era Winnebago with chalky white paint and Bondo spots. A bumper sticker for the Good Sam Club is stuck to the back.” Another script writer might have simply written that as “A beat-up old Winnebago.”
Be aware that when you add a lot of physical description and your personal voice to your action lines you are adding time to your pages and that is something to account for. This type of writing is highly engaging, however (it crosses over into a novelistic or short story style) but will add length that probably won’t translate when the movie or show is shot and then edited. Here’s an example of this from the Breaking Bad pilot action – “The sun’s sinking low. Walt — master’s degree, Inland Empire Science Educator of the Year for ‘92, ‘95, and ‘01 — is towel-drying cars alongside the teenage vatos. His slacks and shoes are spotted with soapy water. He’s grim…” Obviously, the viewer cannot know any of that backstory about Walt that is offered here. But Gilligan wants the reader of his script to get it. HOWEVER, if his viewers are ever going to learn some of these vocational details about Walt, they will have to be shown or told in the series itself.
To get back to our date analogy, sweating the details of proper punctuation, formatting and spelling are like cleaning your act up before your big date. You wouldn’t show up at the restaurant filthy and disheveled, and slump at the table in an indifferent manner. So, show the same care and self-awareness when you write.
6) Coherent Act Structure Your plan for act structure should already be evidenced in how your 1st ten is crafted. Take into account the type/structure of the script you are writing and where the act breaks will occur, and be sure to include that. If you’re writing a film, you are probably employing a 3-act structure. And the first ten will be primarily about set-up of world and character. But, TV and streaming shows can employ a variety of act structures and techniques, largely designed around holding the audience, who is NOT captive. If you are creating a TV series, your show might begin with a teaser or cold open. As an example, procedurals, such as Law and Order or CSI, often are introduced with a stage-setting cold open. That’s part of the formula. The dramedy, Six Feet Under was consistently jump-started with a bizarre death that resulted in the newly-deceased landing in the funeral home of the Fisher family. Readers of TV pilots, in particular, will look at your ability to craft a teaser that poses an exciting question or mystery with no immediate answer and that should be part of your first ten.
So, there are the key factors to consider in crafting your first ten. You need to impress, you need to be clear, you need those pages to convince your reviewer that great things are ahead. Make them want a longer date where they’ll be excited to invest in your vision.